that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
