I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
