They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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