Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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