I'm lost and stupid without you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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