I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
