sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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