a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
