I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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