I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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