I accidentally had phone sex last night
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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