it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
