careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
