Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
