Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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