hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize