Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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