how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
