dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
