Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
