Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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