i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
