just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
