D3 body, D1 cock
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
