Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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