i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
