oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
