ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
