Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She needs sedatives and a leash
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
