My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize