He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
