I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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