he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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