Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
