my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
