Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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