i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
