you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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