Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What a dumb baby whore.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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