i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
