I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
