I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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