NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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