u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
