omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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