I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
