So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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