So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
