Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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