I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
