everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
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I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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