Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
