my being single is dangerous.
I intend to get homeless drunk
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
