I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
