I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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