okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
