My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
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She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
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It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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