there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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