you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
