I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
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