you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
