you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
