it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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