R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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